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I've never been more happy to see a sale end...

than I am today! I just found out that the $1 large soda at McDonald's is now over! HOORAY! I've never been more addicted to getting my "caffein" fix than I was with their $1 drink. And let me tell you, thats a whole lotta soda to be drinking in one sitting, yet I'd down them as if they were nothing! Thank-you McDonalds for encouraging my diet and stopping one of my temptations to spoil it! Soon, I won't "need" cokes as my energy will be so up that I won't feel the need to splurge every now and then on some caffein! WOOHOO!!!

My heart is so heavy today, it must be time to worship...

I've had a very humbling day today...I had to ask for help which is so hard for me to do. I want so badly to provide for myself and succeed in doing so, and today I found myself up against the wall with no where else to turn but to reach out and ask for help. My need was met, Thank you Jesus. But yet it still leaves me upset, sad that I'm still being hit in the face by myself for my life not turning out the way I wanted it too. In highschool, everyone focused on what was to come when we busted out of those doors, not me...I just lived day to day loving my life as a high schooler, I figured everything would just fall into place after I got my diploma...yet today I still find myself trying to find a purpose, where to go with my life. I dont know where God is calling me, so for now I will continue to serve where he has placed me...with the children that I love. I will be volunteering to serve at church and I'll be praying that God reveals it all to me from there. What I do know is through this hard time in life, I will praise Him!



I'm feeling bound, Jesus "take the shackles off my feet so I can dance...I JUST WANT TO PRAISE YOU!"



"Nobody told me the road would be easy, and I dont believe He's brought me this far to leave me."



Thank-you Lord for all that you've done, and yet to do.

Dear Lover of my Soul,

I'm writing to let you know that I'm still glad that I prayed for you to draw me in closer to you...to really truly become the lover of my soul. I know that for us to really cherish you more we must endure hardships and processes to refine us like gold. Father, I want to thank you for this heartbreak. I want you to know that the pain of this 11 year on and off relationship is so real. I haven't felt this pain since those terrible nights in Korea when my fiance' left me, but you didn't leave me did you Jesus. Nope, I turned my back on you and silently there you sat waiting for me to come back. How hard it must have been for you as I lie there broken and weeping on the bed. Yearning for someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright. You were there, did it break your heart to have me yearn that when all you wanted to do was hold me and tell me everything will be alright?

I know the pain is just as real for you this time too isn't it Lord? Its different this time isn't it? This time, I see you here with me, I can feel your arms around me right now as I lay here on the couch...its almost as if my cushions have disappeared and you're behind me allowing me to rest upon your chest. Whispering that everything will be alright, that I'll see. I feel you wipe away each tear as it falls, reminding me that when I finally get to heaven there will be no more pain, no more tears, and I'm comforted. I lay my head back and allow you to hold me in your arms this time. This time will be different...this time IS different. This time I asked you for this, and this time, as I wait for whats to come, I'll worship you, I'll praise you, I'll thank you, and I'll walk with you. For with you I can face tomorrow, with you I have HOPE. I see the sun shining, I know your smiling as I type this, as you fill me with your spirit of Hope...together we'll walk this heartbroken narrow path, and together I'll fall deeper in love with you, the Lover of my soul.

SO PROUD!!!!! of me :-)

Tonight I got to spend a much needed girls day/night with one of my best girls Kadie! We ended up at the Cheesecake Factory for dinner, YUM!! So I was very tempted with all of their num-yuminess, but after a small slice of bread, I remembered that on the biggest loser Jillian & Bob said not to even touch those types of baskets when they are put on the table, so I stopped after the one! Then I went on to order the "Weight Management Chicken" which was DELICIOUS!! The menu said that it was under 590 calories...I'm so proud of myself...well then I was naughty and had a slice of banana cream cheesecake but man, it was good and I didn't feel guilty eating it after doing SO well on my meal! Oh and I drank a glass of water with a lemon wedge (one of my favorites!!) I'm just so proud of myself for stepping out of my norm and trying the healthy meal and I was so not disappointed, it was so good, it was two small chicken breasts topped with tomatos and argula salad, with a small side of steamed rice and steamed asparagus. WOW! SO GOOD! If you're ever there I dare you to try it, you won't be disappointed!

one step forward

I took another step this weekend. I went to my orientation at the gym, I was so scared that it'd be embarrassing.

Here's this heavy girl getting shown all of this equipment...that same girl that once lost over 40lbs in 6 months, joined the Army, came back looking phenomenal...then gained it all and more back. I'm ebarrassed when I walk in the gym, I have to give myself a peptalk as I enter..."people will see and think, thata girl, make the change in your life!" And I'm greeted with warmness, with welcoming smiles, and kindness. I got a hello from a girl I know from school. How nice it was to be greeted by her...she'll never know the struggle that was goin on in my mind when she said hello, and how much her simple hello helped me.

So I learned how to properly use all of the equipment, which was SO cool! And then, I got onto the treadmill, despite my sore legs from trying all of the equipment. So I walked at a 2.5, for 5 minutes, then I made myself run...at a 5.0, for 5 minutes, and I hurt so badly that I had to walk, so then I walked at a 3.5 for 5 minutes and then did a 5 minute cool down. All-in-all I worked out for 1.5 hours...it was awesome, the run was the best. I know it was only 5 minutes, but its a start...and when I have my ipod I can focus myself better. My next step is to run for 10 minutes...I dont care the pace right now I just want to run for 10 minutes. Once I can work myself up to running 25 minutes non-stop then I'll start pushing my pace...can't wait for spring, I really wanna run outside, I hate hitting the treadmill...but thats what I get for now, so here we go...